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Are you in a pattern of avoiding serious relationships?

    Do you tend to keep having relationships that just don’t seem to work out? Have your friends questioned your choice in partners? Do you tend to go out with men/women who are in a different age range to you? Are you using apps which are more for people wanting short-term casual sex as your way of meeting new people?

    It is easy to slip into a pattern like this if you have been hurt in the past. But if you don’t take the step and put yourself out in the same location as people who are also looking for longterm relationships, it is unlikely that you will ever end up in one.

    So often we can drift through life and then be surprised that it doesn’t turn out very well. Decisive people don’t just turn up like our childish fairytales on a white horse ready to carry us off into the sunset. They need some signals from us to be prepared to take that risk. No one likes rejection. Not even Prince Charming. And why shouldn’t you be the one that is the decisive one? What is holding you back from being like that?

    Like anything in life, relationships take some effort. Even finding the right person does take some effort on our part. Whether that effort is in the form of filling out a detailed profile on a suitable dating site or telling your friends you are finally open to being in a long term relationship. It still takes courage and effort in a sense. We have to get over our fear of serious relationships if we are ever to move forward.

    Research on relationships

    Studies have shown that by making commitments, we gain more. For example, as Dan Gilbert explained in his TED talk in their experiment where people were either told they could change their mind later about which photo they had chosen to keep or told they could not, the people who had to make a final decision were generally happier with their decision than those that thought they had flexibility to change their choice later on. And the same goes for relationships. Be honest with yourself. Have you been avoiding finding the right partner? Maybe its time to make a good selection and stick with it.

    Changing your approach going forward

    Counseling can help you work through your relationship fears and make it easier to change the bad patterns of behavior you have adopted. Get ready for the next stage of your life – the stage where you develop a long term fulfilling relationship.

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