Adoption

We are a comprehensive consulting service. For 12 years, we have been working with families going through foster care, and pre- and post-adoptions. We believe that, as the family grows, it is important that the wants and needs each member of the family are addressed.

How we interpret or perceive changes, influences there outcome. Our interpretation of how we understand and accept a situation in influenced by others in our world, by what we "think" the situation is, and by what we idealize or imagine it should be.

When a new person comes into our world, everyone in the family must change, adapt and re-question, who are we now?

When a child comes, they come with a past that is known, and always, a past that is unknown, influencing how they are moving in the present. It is essential to work with the child around issues like identity, who they were in the past, what they are now becoming, what happened and what will happen in their future - not just in the here and now. We help them to look at who they are both physically and mentally and how to fit in with the new people and new environment that they have been placed in.

We look at what is behind their behaviors? We show them how they can be in control even when they feel a lack of control in their world. They may feel almost like they are at the whims of those around them. We look at what they believe in and how they have made sense of the world. And we help them to see how they are connected to that world.

But understanding and working with the adopted child is only part of the picture. The other children in the "family" (biological, step-children, fostered or adopted) need to consider how their world has been altered and how, over time, as their life becomes more complicated, they still need to find a way to help maintain the family unit.

The adults in the home must recognize how this adopted child will affect them as well - not just in the obvious and practical ways, but how this new child will alter how they see the world now. The child will see the world differently through their eyes as well, but they have to realize that the influence goes both ways.

Even though the adopted child may have accepted what happened to them in their past, this can also trigger memories of similar unresolved issues in you (their adopted parent). These issues need to be dealt with.

Even though the child may think they have gotten over their past, the intense stress of the whole adoption process and being in a new family, will affect everything inside them and, in turn, this may affect everything in you. So even things that appeared resolved, can be stirred up again and, thus, therapy can be required.

But the change doesn't end there. You live in a community and not only does your extended family and community affect you, but this adoption process will affect them. For example, when the adopted child goes to school, they affect their teacher(s) and classmates.

And, of course, as ripples in a pond, as you affect them they will in turn affect you, like ripples reverberate in a pond. For example, if the adopted child is teased at school for not fitting in (eg if they are from a foreign country), then this will disrupt the family life.

We all seek connection. We all want a family, a community - a shared life. So we, they, us are not alone and life has meaning and purpose.

The key to working with a new child in the family is looking at those connections. And also connections to the past, to the future, connections inside us, and to each other, to our community, to our environment and where and how we live. Connections to our bodies and the way we live in ourselves are important. Our connection to our actions and behaviors and to our beliefs and how we make sense of the world are also important.

If we assign meaning or importance to something, we generally remember it. So the adopted child's long-term memories can be an indicator of what they have given value to in their lives.

We help the child find importance in their life and to discover what is behind who and what they are. Ultimately how the child responds to the complex web of connections to those around them, will affect them personally and also the family as a whole.

What should I do next?

Contact us to arrange for individual, couple or family therapy in the Chicago, Evanston or Schaumburg Illinois areas by phoning 1-888-870-1775 or by emailing info@ardentcenter.com.